SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Some observations from a fellow wayward:

Integrity has nothing to do with anyone else. It has to do with the person you want to be. One of the reasons I confessed fully, on my own was because I knew that I could not walk the path of honesty and integrity until I started clean.

We do not keep ourselves from cheating by being afraid to divorce. We keep ourselves on the right path when we respect ourselves. Only then, do we know how to respect others.

Your struggle is not with your husband. It’s with yourself. My best advice is to get very intentional and very curious about yourself. Why you do the things you do- not just the cheating but there are big whys and how’s about that. But in general.

When you are mindful of your actions and motivations, where they come from you can change their course. All the external stuff falls into place when we can get the internal stuff right.

You are defensive, and lost, and likely being guided more by fear and shame. You can’t respect yourself or others when that is what guides you because your whole being is directed towards making yourself feel better by hiding and avoiding.

Your choice to cheat has nothing to do with anything but that avoidance and escapism. We should not guide ourselves by fear of punishment. We should guide ourselves by a vision of who we want to become. Find that vision. Your issues are not external to you, they are internal and making your external world chaos. Some of us feel more comfortable in chaos than we do in calm. Self examination, working in changing how we think, and striving towards being a more wholesome person takes slowing down, being proactive and not so reactive.

If you think you respect your husband, you need to change your definition of respect. We don’t respect someone who we know is going nowhere and willing to be our doormat. This is why you are having this conversation over and over. This has nothing to do with flagellation, this has to do with people trying to tell you how your thinking is failing you.

[This message edited by hikingout at 4:00 PM, Wednesday, September 3rd]

I don’t think I would feel the same way at all. Like I think I would be upset if he lied to me repeatedly. But I don’t think I would be quite so hurt by the actual… interactions with an AP. I would wonder what it is that I’m not giving him, and figure out if I can give those things to him, and if I couldn’t, then, well… why shouldn’t he have two partners, especially if he’s still meeting all of my needs? I don’t think I’ve ever even experienced jealousy in that way; I just don’t think I have that brainfold.

This is part of your faulty thinking. We give ourselves love and fill ourselves up. It’s not someone else’s responsibility to meet all our needs. It is our responsibility to know what our needs are and find ways to fulfill them as no one person can be all that to us.

You are blaming him for your affair with this statement. What would a statement of accountability look like? You are basically saying if he did x,y, z you wouldn’t have cheated. Yet how much did you ever tell him about what you wanted?

I think this post is mostly a reflection of my previous inability to have the appropriate amount of empathy for my H and to correctly estimate the consequences of infidelity.

I wrote about not thinking I would feel the same way if I were cheated on in support of that, that I just cannot imagine going through what H is presently going through specifically as a result of cheating. (As stated, that’s often a question people ask when I say I didn’t understand how much it would hurt him: "Well how would you feel if…?" It’s not a question that helped me at all with empathizing.) I wish I would have understood it, and more fully considered the possibility of divorce such that I didn’t take my marriage for granted, before I took the actions that led to my A. Knowing what I know now, I could not ever put him through this again. It’s not just a fear of divorce. (Though that fear is something new I’m experiencing as a consequence.)

With my history of abuse from a person who would gaslight and manipulate me and twist what I was saying such that I had to backtrack so much to explain that the conversation just went nowhere… it’s very important to me to be understood. I am defensive when others misinterpret what I say or write, tell me they know me, what I’m feeling, and what I mean, better than I know, myself, especially when it appears they are doing it on purpose or when it begins to derail the conversation at hand. I am not defensive at all about my role in the affair; I accept full responsibility for my actions.

This does not mean that I will put up with people who are probably still hurting from their own experiences with infidelity misrepresenting me at every turn… it’s like they expect me to be a certain way, to feel justified, or to call it a "mistake," or to blame it on H (god forbid), and they’re not listening when I tell them I’m not doing any of those things… They’re looking for evidence of it and finding it where there is none, and they’re insistent upon it. THAT is why I’m having this conversation over and over. And honestly, it’s massively disrespectful and a HUGE waste of time, and as I said before, it’s not going to heal them. The only ones who owe those individuals contrition is their spouses; self-flagellation from a stranger on the internet here isn’t doing any of us any favors in real life.

So you can either read what I say, make an actual effort to understand my words as they are, and believe me, or I will walk away from this pointless exercise in sadomasochism. That is not a threat; that is a boundary.

—————————

There was a degree of escapism to the affair. I would often run away from life’s responsibilities to live in this fantasy world with AP, where we could be two young, childless people pursuing unfettered adventures together… I’ve been working on being more present in my life in general, seeking out serotonin from good, hard work and accomplishing things, focusing on having a good time with my husband and daughter and our dogs, and taking pleasure in the little things and moments. There are adventures in everyday life. I’m trying to find a childsitter so that H and I can go on more child-free dates together, to bring back those feelings of the early times… (but they are so expensive, and it’s hard to trust anybody these days.) I’m trying to practice socializing with strangers so that I can eventually make and keep friends. (It’s hard! Many people are boring, unfriendly, and/or checked out of their surroundings.)

I have some notes jotted down after doing some reading of other, more practical, and actually helpful posts on here re: doing the internal work, and I’ve brainstormed about where I can be more honest and less selfish in general life, as H has pointed out some specific instances at our last CC that lead him to be hesitant to trust me again, even though I’m supposedly doing all the right things to demonstrate honesty and transparency post-D-day…I definitely need IC to help with that and my other issues, but I’ve had a really hard time with finding that. I probably need to stop being such a wuss about it though.

I can honestly say I didn’t expect the trauma I inflicted either. And I can also say that I thought he probably would take me back. My whole mentality is I had sacrificed x,y,z and he would never find someone who was willing to be a servant to him.

It took me a long time to see that the problem was not that he wanted a servant but that I didn’t love or respect myself to believe I was worthy of love without hustling for it.

That is not your issue and I am not comparing it, but what I am trying to articulate here is that you do not see your thinking and how it’s created this situation or how it’s the things that are perpetually in your way.

The people commenting about respect are commenting that way because you are essentially stating that you felt you could get away with it because he won’t leave. And then you write about how of you wait him out he won’t find anyone else and he will see you as the answer. Can you see how those statements would demonstrate a lack of respect? That’s not how a person talk about another person they respect.

Or how if you were in his shoes you would blame yourself for not giving him what he needs.

You are blatantly making statements that show how you feel but lacking the ability to see the logic of what you are saying is painting a picture.

I am a fan of boundaries, but I will say when I hit here many people claimed in with advice I found rude or unhelpful. In the end many of those people are responsible for me finally seeing what they were saying.

So if your boundary is that the advice must be you are being understood, I think maybe contemplate whether you understand yourself.

I fully recognize you are not some evil person who is out to hurt other people. I understand you may not have malintent or feel disrespectful towards your husband. All I am suggesting is examine what it is you are saying and why people are universally saying the same thing back to you. Emotions and logic are not the same thing. Your emotions maybe you are sorry for hurting him and you feel fond feelings that you interpret as love. But if you dig deeper, it’s your relationship with yourself that needs to be fixed so that these are not the ways you view respect and love.

I can’t make you hear me or understand that I have empathy for what you are saying. But what you are saying about your husband is not what you would want a spouse to say about you.

Would you want him to say, well she will choose me over not being alone? Or she should blame herself for my actions for not giving me what I want? I think you are defensive because you think people are saying you are bad. That is your shame talking. Shame is not an emotion, it’s an underlying belief that you are bad. So when someone is saying something that could be constructive for you to ponder, it’s touching that deep nerve. I had/have it too. I have to always watch for it.

Perhaps some of it is from your past abusive relationship. There could be some defense mechanisms and issues you developed that need to be ironed out. I do not think you are bad or evil. I think you are worthy and devinely loved. You just hqve some rewiring to do and sometimes that’s going to come from understanding why you are getting the same response. I hated it too, but it did bring me through a path that made me grow and see things from new perspectives. That’s the only reason many of the people are responding to you. It’s not to shame you. It’s to provide a mirror back of what it is you are illustrating with your words.

I respect boundaries. I just want you to reflect a little more about what it is you are actually saying because if you do there is a chance for things to be different and better for you and also give you insight into helping your husband heal. He has to do that work himself, maybe he needs to go to therapy, but you can provide a better and more emotionally safe environment in which he can do that work.

I think this post is mostly a reflection of my previous inability to have the appropriate amount of empathy for my H and to correctly estimate the consequences of infidelity.

I am a BH and have never posted in the Wayward Sub. I read often because I try to understand the "wayward mind". I’m not sure I truly ever will…

The quote above sums up how I have viewed your situation while reading this thread. My career was spent in Financial Services in the Risk Management sector. From a logical standpoint, you performed a risk assessment before cheating. You decided the benefit would likely exceed the cost (divorce/the amount of pain inflicted on your spouse) and chose to proceed. Now, you have determined that your risk assessment was faulty and divorce is more likely (but he’ll come back later) and the pain FAR exceeded what you expect. If only you could go back in time knowing what you know now. I have that same wish. I wish I never married my WW (or even met her). But what’s done is done.

I’m not going to pile onto how you feel towards your spouse in the respect or love department. None of us know. All we know is how you "show up" based on what you write here. Which is very similar to what we have all experienced in this journey and hasn’t "worked" for our healing.

The two biggest epiphanies I have discovered around my wife’s infidelities is she is the most selfish person I have ever met and she totally lacks empathy. Again, these traits seem to be consistent in waywards (at least while actively cheating). They are also "reconciliation killers". Along with defensiveness and blame shifting. Look inward. Selfishness and lack of empathy, hmmm.

My wife was SA’d by her older brother when she was a child. She confronted him after D-Day. He was defensive, blameshifted, minimized and gaslit her (he had the balls to tell her he PROTECTED her). She hung up from the call and said "Holy shit, he did EXACTLY what I have been doing to you". Bingo!

Hikingout has been in your shoes and "gets it". Listen to her. If you want to stop getting "bashed" by betrayed members (although like HO said, sometimes that is the most useful feedback), ask the mods to put a "stop sign" on this thread.

You can get good advice here. Some of it may hurt though…..

[This message edited by ImaChump at 6:16 PM, Wednesday, September 3rd]

** member to member **

So you can either read what I say, make an actual effort to understand my words as they are, and believe me, or I will walk away from this pointless exercise in sadomasochism.

Sometimes - often - words that one objects to most are the words one needs to take in and work with.

And Stephen Covey wrote, 'Seek first to understand, then to be understood.' That makes good sense.

You're the primary beneficiary of responses to your posts. You're the one who will benefit most by asking yourself how a response might be relevant and helpful, especially if the response riles you. Sure, I think most of us respond because we want to express ourselves, but we want to help, too.

Here's some feedback: I think you may be moving towards respecting your H, but in the past, from what you've written, I, too, see a lack of respect.

I absolutely believe you can redeem yourself. Keep reading - seek first to understand. Ask questions. Voice your concerns. Consider what people tell you. Track your internal responses to what you're told. Look for patterns in what riles you and what doesn't.

I don't think empathy is your road to healing. Right now, I'd expect more humility than you're showing, but I could be wrong. I just don't think a person - WS or BS - can heal without a lot of humility.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:39 PM, Wednesday, September 3rd]

I think this post is mostly a reflection of my previous inability to have the appropriate amount of empathy for my H and to correctly estimate the consequences of infidelity.

If you truly want to understand what infidelity does to a betrayed spouse you could read threads in the JFO Forum. There's also a thread pinned to the top of this forum, Things every WS needs to know.

I've been a member here for over ten years. I've read thousands of threads, posted thousands of times. In all of that time one thing has remained constant: it never ceases to amaze me just how hard infidelity hits people. One member wrote that "it hit me in my DNA."

Keep that in mind as you and your betrayed husband move forward. It took me about ten months just to recover from the shock of it all. It took me years... several years... to realize that I had largely healed, though the scars remain.

This shit hits fucking hard. It's a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma.

I'd imagine right now your BH is doing the "pick me" dance. If he can only win you back, because he blames himself, it'll all be okay. I did the same shit, and my exww only had a "fling" at a trade-show out of town, with one sexual encounter. It was never an affair and I was never in competition with OM.

So much in your story so far resonates. My marriage was already hanging on by a thread. Our son was 4yo. The OM was meeting her needs... for external validation (she has powerful codependent tendencies). Text messages, sex, feelings...

External validation is always nice. When it became a need powerful enough to drive my ex-wife down Infidelity Lane, it also became clear to her, and me, how that need was extremely unhealthy.

I'm not saying you have the same CoD issues. Just sharing the tale to illustrate that sometimes we may feel a desperate need for (fill in the blank) that leads us to do self-destructive things.

I think infidelity is largely self-destructive. People break, for a myriad of reasons. It happens. What's important is understanding what broke and why.

Why did you risk your marriage and family for a temporary solution to issues that have been tripping you up for most of your life?

One of the hardest things to do in life is to unlearn some untruths about themselves.

You've got a long, long journey before you. It will not be easy. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done. You might fail. You might end up divorced.

You might...

As a side note... please keep in mind that SI is hot mess of people trying their best to survive infidelity. You know, they don't teach this stuff in college.

[This message edited by Unhinged at 6:53 PM, Wednesday, September 3rd]

It took me a long time to see that the problem was not that he wanted a servant but that I didn’t love or respect myself to believe I was worthy of love without hustling for it.

I’d like to delve deeper into what you mean by this. Sure, everyone wants to be loved for who they are: what personality traits are on the inside in addition to what physical traits are on the outside (desire). But surely by that definition, lots of people are perfectly "loveable—" What makes your partner pick you, specifically, if not for how well you align with their life, and what other things you bring to the table? What work do you perform for them, to relieve some of your shared responsibilities? How do you make them feel? What good and changes do you bring to their life that makes you a partner worthy of their love? I do not think these things are separable. It’s unrealistic to expect to be (or to settle for being) loved for only who you are, what you look like, or for what you provide. It ought to be all of those.

The people commenting about respect are commenting that way because you are essentially stating that you felt you could get away with it because he won’t leave. And then you write about how of you wait him out he won’t find anyone else and he will see you as the answer. Can you see how those statements would demonstrate a lack of respect? That’s not how a person talk about another person they respect.

When I was having the affair, I felt respect for my H still. I knew it was wrong and disrespectful behavior. (Sometimes our actions and desires conflict with our feelings and morals.) I was weighing the things AP was giving me, those finally-met needs, with my (extremely uninformed) estimation of consequences of the A— what I thought would happen if I got caught, and whether that was "bad enough" to stop having this A. I just figured he would be "hurt," but that he loves me enough to not leave me, or even if he didn’t want to be with me, he would stay married to me for our daughters sake, and that enough time would pass before she flies the nest for us to come back together. (I confessed all of this to him last night…) Obviously the allure of the A won out, but I don’t think it would have if I really understood the actual effect on H, or the very real possibility of D at the time I was making these decisions. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

I was correct in guessing that H would stay, and I’m sure that there is a high probability he would eventually come back even if he left me for a time. That’s quite simply a prediction based on my observation of his behavior and personality… This does not change the amount of respect I feel for him, and it does not impact the way I intend to treat him going forward. I have zero desire to take advantage of that, and if he was a friend of mine instead of my H, I would advise him that if he would leave me once, that he shouldn’t humiliate himself by coming back again… Of course it is selfish to seek comfort in the prediction that he would come back, and it would be selfish to try to convince him to stay in any unwholesome or dishonest way. It has been helpful to read on other threads that if he needs to leave in order to heal, I need to let him go, and hopefully feel that I did everything I could to change and be better for him. (But goddamn, I don’t know how I could live with that, should it happen. Surely I would just…die?)

Or how if you were in his shoes you would blame yourself for not giving him what he needs.

In the same way that recognizing some of my needs going unmet were reasons (NOT justifications) for my A, I would suspect unmet needs as reasons for any hypothetical A of H’s. That wouldn’t be blaming myself for his actions, in the same way I’m not blaming H for my actions…

I can be very coldly logical in my thinking oftentimes, so if I can parse out the reasons of why bad things happen, it’s a lot less likely I’ll be upset by the actual events themselves. It feels a lot less out of my control that way. So, the logic there goes: "H’s happiness is important to me -> he needs certain things to be happy -> if I haven’t been meeting those needs -> I can understand the cheating -> if I can’t meet those needs -> he deserves more than one partner -> he’s happy -> I can be happy too. (Of course, I recognize it doesn’t apply the other way around, but you can see how it would stunt my ability to empathize before actually experiencing his reaction to the A.)

You are blatantly making statements that show how you feel but lacking the ability to see the logic of what you are saying is painting a picture...So if your boundary is that the advice must be you are being understood, I think maybe contemplate whether you understand yourself.

This supports what I said about others who have been hurt by their own partner’s infidelity (and I went back through all the other’s profiles and post histories; all but one respondent has been betrayed. Notably, that’s the only one who’s really understood what I’ve been saying), that that hurt is coloring their perception of what I’m saying. Quite possibly, they are projecting their own spouses thoughts, attitudes and beliefs onto my words, and responding to that projection, rather than actually reading to understand what exactly it is that I’m saying, and what I think and believe. And they (you) aren’t believing me when I correct them, and they (you) are insisting that I am an unreliable narrator of my own thoughts/beliefs. That is textbook gaslighting, shitty, abusive behavior, and you ought to feel ashamed of yourself for engaging in it.

I have gathered a lot of useful information from posts here without having to be gaslit, thank you very much. How haughty you are! Such a savior complex.

When I was having the affair, I felt respect for my H still. I knew it was wrong and disrespectful behavior. (Sometimes our actions and desires conflict with our feelings and morals.)

Ok. So start here. Make your behavior match your feelings. Personally, I think being honest with your husband would be behavior that shows that you respect him. Tell him how you honestly felt about whether you were scared of him divorcing you when you had your affair or not. Don't just say that you don't remember.

From a logical standpoint, you performed a risk assessment before cheating. You decided the benefit would likely exceed the cost (divorce/the amount of pain inflicted on your spouse) and chose to proceed. Now, you have determined that your risk assessment was faulty and divorce is more likely (but he’ll come back later) and the pain FAR exceeded what you expect. If only you could go back in time knowing what you know now.

Yes. Thank you.

All we know is how you "show up" based on what you write here. Which is very similar to what we have all experienced in this journey and hasn’t "worked" for our healing.

Yes, you all are reading and imbuing the words with your own biases based on your experiences with your own partners. But… have you considered trying not to do that?

You could try instead—just as a suggestion— saying: "From what you wrote, it sounds like you think/feel/believe xyz. Is that true?"

Or, "You said you think/feel/believe xyz. Is it possible that you actually think/feel/believe abc?"

And then the OP has the chance to be like "yes, that’s correct," or "No, that’s not right…" and explain it to you again. And then you can just… believe them. To insist that you really know them better than they know themselves is just pure hubris, and to do it intentionally… well like I said, that’s abusive behavior. Nobody deserves to be made to feel that they’re an unreliable narrator of their own thoughts, and that they’re not worthy of being listened to or believed.

That’s what I’m wigging out about here: I’m not your WSs. I’m me. Treat me like an individual. Listen to what I’m saying, because I am the expert on my own thoughts/beliefs/attitude/ situation. I’m more than willing to self-reflect, admit my wrongdoing, and tell anybody else "hey, you know what, you’re right…" when they’re actually right. But why is everyone assuming that I’m not? This is not helpful or effective communication, and the response is to double down when I point that out. It’s ironic.

The two biggest epiphanies I have discovered around my wife’s infidelities is she is the most selfish person I have ever met and she totally lacks empathy. Again, these traits seem to be consistent in waywards (at least while actively cheating). They are also "reconciliation killers". Along with defensiveness and blame shifting. Look inward. Selfishness and lack of empathy, hmmm.

I know that I have behaved selfishly with this affair, and I didn’t have the appropriate empathy for my H. But I don’t think I’m a totally selfish person, and I’m working on being less selfish going forward. I’m not an un-empathetic person, and now I do have the appropriate empathy for H. I’ve learned. Again, I’m not shifting blame whatsoever, and I’m only defensive because people are misunderstanding me (whether intentionally or unintentionally), not listening to me when I correct them, and then continuing to insist that they’re right. (And this has happened to me over and over again on various forums. Idk why I thought it would be different. It never is.)

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t think he was going anywhere. I told him I "just didn’t think it through" and that I thought that the A would end on its own and be swept under the rug forever. (The last half of that is true, but certainly not the quotes.)

I don’t have the heart to tell him the whole truth about what I assumed. I don’t have the heart to tell him, when he asks what it is about him that causes his loved ones to hurt him, and what’s wrong with him that he still loves them and caters to them and chases their affection afterwards, that maybe he shouldn’t… Well, do that.

This is a big part of your problem. You must have the heart. If you don't than who will? This is a man you claim to love and you would die if he left you. Opening up and being vulnerable is a must. Are you more worried about his feelings or your safety? Just a question.

I guess I can identify a little with your BH in the ways he tries to keep the peace and ultimately becomes the family doormat. But I will tell you that once the truth came out to me, I the BS, was able to grow a backbone and say no when necessary and stand up for myself. All positive things for me.

When someone steals your agency and tells lies it is devastating. For me it was the worst part of his betrayal.

Maybe you being completely honest with him will help him too. In all of his relationships.

What a gift.

Yes, you all are reading and imbuing the words with your own biases based on your experiences with your own partners. But… have you considered trying not to do that?

And you’re NOT reading and responding with your inherent biases (people have abused you in the past and/or other forums)? We’re all individuals too. We do have some common experiences some hard-learned experiences. Many of us have heard the EXACT same things you are saying that turned out not to be true. Can you be different? Sure. You’re also not the first to lash out at the crowd-sourced knowledge here and insist they are "not like that". Time will tell.

You could try instead—just as a suggestion— saying: "From what you wrote, it sounds like you think/feel/believe xyz. Is that true?"

Fair point. Are there opportunities for you to ask clarifying question, rephrase things you say and create civil discourse? I purposely didn’t render judgement on how you "feel" rather how you "show up" based on what you are writing.People are giving you specific feedback on how phrases come across. You "wig out", toss insults and defend your position. Is there no room for you to take feedback and adjust or is the onus on the group?

I am defensive because I’ve had this same fucking conversation over and over again on different forums, and it’s the same every time: some injured, infuriating c*** comes along and insists that I don’t love/respect my husband or that I don’t feel remorse, that I’m justifying the infidelity, and they twist whatever I try to tell them to make it the "wrong answer" and so that I appear like the worst person in the entire world. I was told this time it would be different by the person who recommended this site, but it isn’t.

"Some injured, infuriating c***"……lovely. You lash out at everyone here and accuse them of being the same as everyone who has abused you in your life. You are asking for grace. Yet, all of these people injured by infidelity who are trying to give you helpful advice based on their own experiences (while realizing you are NOT our unfaithful spouses) get this in return.

You are correct, none of us know how you think and feel. I will repeat what I said earlier….look inward. And be honest with yourself.

Listen or don’t. Lash out at me or don’t. One of the mottos here is "take what you need and leave the rest".

I'm trying to say the same thing as Trumansworld. She is saying it better.

Losing your agency and being told lies is the worst part of an affair. Respect this man enough to tell him everything, including how you felt and how you feel now.

It would be a true act of respect.

@Trumansworld @KitchenDepth5551 To reiterate: I told him last night that I didn’t think he was going anywhere, and that I initially lied about it when he asked because I was terrified of him leaving me. I did it after dinner, so it wouldn’t disrupt his day. He thanked me for my honestly and appreciated that I seemed remorseful/reflective about it.

I appreciate those that have encouraged me to be honest.

@ImaChump

And you’re NOT reading and responding with your inherent biases (people have abused you in the past and/or other forums)?

Recognizing abusive tactics when you’ve been abused might be considered "bias," in a way. That doesn’t mean they’re not abusive tactics… Like, honestly. Just go back and read the thread, ffs. It’s quite plain. I could sit here and lay out literally every example of it, if you’re struggling that badly to see what I see, but I’d be here all goddamn night formatting the thing.

Many of us have heard the EXACT same things you are saying that turned out not to be true. Can you be different? Sure.

Okay, so you literally admit that you’re lumping me in with all other WSs? Cool. I’m very explicitly asking you not to do that because. It. Is. Rude. And. Unhelpful. Be sure, go right ahead and continue justifying being rude and unhelpful to new users you’ve come across, and continue being huffy when they push back on it, because you’re clearly doing us a favor.

Is there no room for you to take feedback and adjust or is the onus on the group?

As stated, I am very much capable of accepting helpful feedback. "You feel this way. No, no, it doesn’t matter what you say about how you feel; all you WSs are the same, so I’m right about it. Why are you not accepting that I’m right about the way you feel? Why can’t you take feedback?!" IT ISNT FUCKING FEEDBACK. IT’S GASLIGHTING! Do you even hear yourself?

Is this what you did to your wife? No wonder she cheated, took your kids, told you she didn’t love you... How about you take a good, long, goddamned look in the mirror before you come here wasting my time with your stupid little mind games, you senile, self important, clumsy POS? How’s that for fucking honesty?

[This message edited by TreadingWater1592 at 11:26 PM, Wednesday, September 3rd]

4. NAMING, FLAMING & SHAMING: Please refrain from name calling, attacking or shaming, publicly or by using the SI.com Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.

What a *joke*

Is this what you did to your husband? No wonder he cheated. How about you take a good, long, goddamned look in the mirror before you come here wasting my time with your stupid little mind games, you senile, self important, messy bitch? How’s that for fucking honesty?

And yet, YOU are the one being abused here?

That might have landed better if I were actually a woman…..

And yet, YOU are the one being abused here?
That might have landed better if I were actually a woman…..

Sorry, lost track of which pathetic asshole I was talking to. Updated to be more specific to you :)

Sorry, lost track of which pathetic asshole I was talking to. Updated to be more specific to you :)

Thanks! Accuracy matters.

Just remember this nugget:

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole."

Let’s see how many ways we can avoid accountability for our behavior! Wow, there are so many! Clunky aphorisms are my fav!

[This message edited by TreadingWater1592 at 12:01 AM, Thursday, September 4th]