Theevent, please understand that I am not trying to encourage you to D. If R is what you truly want, I hope you two can find your way there. But (there's always a but, right?) deciding that this is your only option creates a trap for you. I encourage every BS to get as comfortable as possible with either R or D for the simple reason that it frees you from that trap.
At two years out from d-day your wife still blame-shifting, still talking about fairness and equality is not a good sign, imo. She plays nice and you get along, have fun, and enjoy each other's company. That's all good stuff. And yet here you are feeling crazy, questioning yourself, wondering if you're the problem, and unsure if she's really examined the issues that lead her down Infidelity Lane, whether or not she's truly owned and fixed her shit.
That doubt, I believe, will slowly eat you alive.
Understanding why a WS chose infidelity, as well as one possibility can, is critical to reconciliation. That's my belief. If she cannot or will not share her journey with you it leaves you in the lurch - a terribly uncomfortable place to be. Because unless you understand her "whys," and more importantly her "why bots," you'll remain in limbo.
Until she knows for certain that limbo isn't a place you want to live in, the status quo remains comfortable for her. Know what I mean?
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
