SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I am an average looking guy and since the 12 years I am with my my wife, married for 6, I had two times the opportunity to make some love with two extremely gorgeous women. Man I was so tempted, it was really hard to resist. I am even thinking about posting one story here where I stopped after kissing bc it felt wrong even though I was drunk as sh*t.

Well, since my wife gave birth to our beautiful boy, I am far less attracted by the other gender. I still picture some beautiful girls I met naked, but more out of curiosity than desire.

And when I look at my boy of two years and my newborn daughter, I could never forgive myself for tearing this family apart. I would never betray them like this. I'll rather die.

So how can other people do that? Destroying your own children?

Good question. Here’s my two cents FWIW.

First most cheaters think they will NEVER get caught.

Second, most cheaters rationalize or justify the affair with the "I deserve to be happy" mentality they tell themselves.

And third, I think many cheaters expect if they are caught, what’s the big deal and will try to sweep it under the rug.

And my personal thought is that people who have been betrayed by a GF/BF/Partner/SO and then turn around and do it to their GF/BF/Partner/SO, are the worst.

Man I was so tempted, it was really hard to resist. I am even thinking about posting one story here where I stopped after kissing bc it felt wrong even though I was drunk as sh*t.

Well, since my wife gave birth to our beautiful boy, I am far less attracted by the other gender. I still picture some beautiful girls I met naked, but more out of curiosity than desire.

And when I look at my boy of two years and my newborn daughter, I could never forgive myself for tearing this family apart. I would never betray them like this. I'll rather die.

So how can other people do that? Destroying your own children?

Oh it happens all the time. My first wife risked destabilizing our young childrens lives, our home and family for a pathetic and utterly selfish fling with my "best friend". Complete self absorbtion with no regard to those she pledged to love and protect.

I stayed for the better part of a decade in large part for our kids but now regret that decision.

I cant end this without pointing out that I hope you will change your priorities from walking the path of faithfulness, loyalty and committment from the kids to your wife. Time to man up.

Oh, and by the way, man to man, knock off the drinking. Drunkeness is as dangerous to your kids stability as is infidelity. Get some help. See a good therapist. Im not kidding.

I do have to say though, that if you really kissed another woman while married, then you have ALREADY cheated.

I had several opportunities with 3 (maybe 4) different women over the years. I was very tempted by 2 of them, but it never went beyond some flirting. I thought of my wife, how faithful (yeah, right) she is, what it would do to her and our son, and I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

I probably should have, but I didn't tell her about any of them when they happened because none of them went anywhere, and I stopped talking to them. After experiencing the other side of infidelity, if it were to happen now, I'd tell her about it immediately. I did make sure to inform her of them after d day, tho. Just to drive the point home that I could have cheated, too, but didn't. And honestly, I just wanted her to feel like shit about it.

I wish she would have had the same thought process for me.

I think we are far less in control of the functioning of our brains than we realize. Flattery is like heroin. Once your limbic system gets access to a dopamine rush it starts sending signals to the critical thinking part of your brain, your prefrontal cortex, to come with a "story", a justification a reason et cetera so that part of your brain thinks it all makes sense. You are now in a delusional reality that it is very hard to break free from wherein your behavior seems to make perfects sense to you (even though it makes no sense whatsoever). You keep getting the dopamine rush. Rinse and repeat.

And my personal thought is that people who have been betrayed by a GF/BF/Partner/SO and then turn around and do it to their GF/BF/Partner/SO, are the worst.

A couple of times while I was in the throes of grief and telling her, "you have NO IDEA how devastated I am over this!" she told me to go have an affair with someone. A free pass, basically, for me to "even the score."

I thought it was absurd, and just to get a dig in while I was upset I told her "No. I'm not that type of person. I'm actually faithful, loyal, and trustworthy. I would never do a scummy thing like that."

The look on her face when I said that...

But yes, I agree. Adding another infidelity to the situation doesn't fix or resolve anything, and I KNOW I'd just feel like shit afterwards.

Pure unadulterated selfishness. They want what they want, consequences be damned.

My wife was very methodical and focused on covering her tracks. The last thing she did each work day before leaving work was to delete her sexting history with him just in case I happened to check her phone. Her one oversight was not realizing her phone and tablet were synced.

I almost gave up following my gut when I didn't see anything suspicious in the cell phone printout. Fun fact: Apple to Apple texts do not go thru your cellular provider :/ That's why nothing suspicious popped up when I looked at the printout. Looked at her tablet while she was still at work and that's how I found out

When I confronted her I asked did you not think about what would happen to our family or his family? Did you ever think about two families splitting up and kids being forced to split their time between parents? Her very cold response was no

The next day when she came home from work I said there's a suitcase upstairs I want you to leave the house and she did. Two days later when we talked she had done a 180 and was willing to do anything to keep us together

Months into reconciliation I again asked what did you think what happened if I found out. I had asked this question a few times and her answer was always I never thought about it but this time her answer was I knew you would be upset but I didn't think you would be this upset. What I heard was F you and your feelings.

She assumed I would just get upset, we would ignore each other for a few days, eventually sweep it under the rug and life would go on. All she cared about was the way he made her feel and she didn't give a damn or a moment's thought to how this could potentially destroy two families and our 27-year relationship

Sorry for my long-winded response but the simple answer is they just don't give a damn until the affair is discovered, everything implodes, and they are suddenly faced with the reality that families could be splitting up

[This message edited by WB1340 at 10:17 PM, Sunday, August 31st]

We got married at 23 and 22; we were both grad students, so we were living in a university environment. I had never placed a high value on relationships with girls, though they certainly interested me. Only really avant-garde middle-class people lived together before M at the time. But after just a couple of days living together with my new W, I realized I had very seriously underestimated the pleasure of provided by girls.

Every day I walked 7 blocks to class passing and being passed by attractive girls. So many of them looked so very touchable..

I was going crazy. I loved my W, and all these women got my attention. My solution was to allow myself to look, but not to touch, and to associate sex with my W whenever I was aware of sexual feelings. I decided I wouldn't say or do anything with any women that I wouldn't want my W to see and hear.

There have been a few times I've wanted to cross that line. I mean, I lived at what was known to soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines as an I & I site (known in the US a 'R(est) & R(ecreation)') from 1970-72. I tutored a guy who kept throwing beautiful girls at me and offering to pay the fees on my behalf.

But I didn't think I could live with myself if I cheated.

I see lots of attractive women, though....