SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My heart is broken, my marriage is broken and I feel like an idiot for putting all my trust in a human. Not knowing you’re living a life that is a lie, is so hard.

I feel like I’m doing all the right things, counseling, taking a little happiness medication, grieving, but I still feel AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.

I feel sick ALL the time. I cry a lot, I have guilt because I feel like this is going to hurt my children, I don’t have a best friend to share all this with (since she decided to take over my life and take on my marital bedroom responsibilities). Now that I know, in hindsight I can see warning signs but I was just oblivious. I’m angry at him, I’m angry at her and I’m angry at myself for being so stupid.

Please tell me I’m Not going mad, because I really feel like I am.

When was your DD sparkle?

I'm 7 months out from finding out my husband has an affair 13 years ago with his best friend's wife.

I won't say it get easier, but you get stronger. I'm still having some very bad days but I do have good days too.

Have you decided whether you want to try and reconcile or not?

Hi, Sparkledust, not sure when your D-Day (discovery day) was?

You've just experienced a huge trauma, the consensus here is it takes 2-5 years to heal (Personally, I was on a longer path).

I remember those early days when the only reason I got out of bed every morning was to get my children off to school and get to my part-time job. I was also in school full time, my concentration went down the toilet. Literally. Every day in the shower, I would cry. I understand what you are feeling, the dread of just existing.

It will get better with time, lots of it. One day at a time, one hour at a time. We've all lived through this nightmare and have made it to the other side, a bit broken and bruised, but we've made it. You will, too.

You're not going crazy. You are experiencing the fall out of betrayal trauma. I was barely functional for the first 6 months. Strangers would stop me in the grocery store to ask if I was ok.

It takes time and healing. And it takes longer than we want or expect. Please give yourself grace at this time. Infidelity is the worst pain.

Hey there SparkleDust. Understand that the betrayal of infidelity results in a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma. What you're going through is quite normal, unfortunately. Most of us experience PTSD to some degree. We question everything, including ourselves. Few of us, if any, have anything close to adequate coping strategies to deal with the overwhelming and excruciating fallout.

Be gentle with yourself. Most BS can look back and see the red flags they missed with glaring clarity. It's not stupidity; it's human nature.

You're not going mad, though infidelity is crazy-making shit.

I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through, SparkleDust. It is the absolute worst thing I have ever experienced. I cried daily (sometimes multiple times a day) for many months. I did things I've never done in my life, so yeah, I guess I went a little crazy, but I survived and got through it.

Be kind to yourself. You aren't stupid. You're not an idiot. You are trusting, loving, kind person, and that's not a bad thing! Anger is good and healthy to a point. Try to find a good outlet for it, like exercise or rage cleaning the house. If you try to hold it in, eventually it will poison you.

One thing that helped me was to make a list of little things that brought me joy, like taking a walk in the hills, or a nice cup of tea. I would try to do one thing each day to cheer myself up and remind myself that there is still good in life. Hang in there!

The fact that your H and BFF decided to have an affair is not your fault or have anything to do with you.

Please don’t think this "relationship" will last either. Right now there may not be alimony or child support or lawyers fees being paid. But once they have less $ to spend it’s going to affect them.

And there is already distrust. After all they started out as cheaters. When things get difficult and there are weekends with kids that will impact them, it’s not going to be easy and their relationship will be very difficult for them to handle.

Read up on the 180. Maybe very minimal contact is the way to go for now.

SparkleDust what you are experiencing is "normal". We've all BTDT and some of us still have those feelings creep in from time to time.

Your WH and his AP are still in Fantasy Land. Reality is going to be a BITCH for them when that fantasy bubble breaks. The grass won't be greener and it will be harder to cut.

Take care of yourself. Right now that all you can do. Feel the feels - and yes, I know that means some days will be spend in wrecking full body sobs making you quake. KEEP FUCKING GOING.

Work with an IC. Call a Crisis Hotline - even if you are a daily caller. Talk to a friend/family member/confident. Yell, scream, break stuff [years ago I read here someone put paper plates and plastic cups full of water in a freezer and threw those on the concrete/against trees to smash them]. Keep up your nourishment and hydration. Exercise even if you don't want to - go for long walks with music blasting in ear buds. Go for a short walk if a long one is overwhelming. Take yourself on a coffee date and people watch. Wander Target aimlessly. Wear the lipgloss. Wear the pretty underwear. Light the pretty candle. Be your own special occasion.

It painstakingly hard right now and I am sorry - big Internet hugs my new friend. You are not alone.

Thanks guys, I’m a total newbie to this. This is all very overwhelming and I cannot imagine how anyone could recover from this trauma. You’re all a true inspiration, to me. The fact that you’re all here, recovering, growing and not in the least, supporting others, inspires me, beyond words…. The old "if they can survive, I can at least try to get through it" is in the back of my mind as I read your posts in the forums.

Today was actually a good day. I went to a festival with my (very kind and supportive) friend and her husband, I saw my big kiddo (he is always a light for me) and I laughed with them. It’s 1am and I’m still not sleeping, but hey one achievement at a time. I’ll take it. :)

It’s funny the things I can’t do anymore. Before this, a glass of wine while making dinner was my daily treat, It has no appeal to me, anymore. Making dinner for my family was one of my greatest pleasures, I loved to cook, to be a carer and provide things my family loved. Now providing dinner is a total chore and my daughter has eaten more door dash in the last few weeks than I care to admit.

I rehab wildlife (mainly baby squirrels) and honestly, those baby animals are keeping me going. Knowing they cannot survive if I don’t make them milk, clean their beds, keep their temperatures perfect, etc, makes me get up every day with some kind of purpose. They’re a blessing that they don’t even realize. My life may be falling apart but there is not a chance on this earth that they won’t have the best start to life possible. (They also hear a lot about how I’m feeling, it’s kind of nice to talk to them because they have no idea what I’m saying to them, or if I’m crying).

Thanks again for the support, you are all awesome

Thanks guys, I’m a total newbie to this. This is all very overwhelming and I cannot imagine how anyone could recover from this trauma. You’re all a true inspiration, to me. The fact that you’re all here, recovering, growing and not in the least, supporting others, inspires me, beyond words…. The old "if they can survive, I can at least try to get through it" is in the back of my mind as I read your posts in the forums.

Today was actually a good day. I went to a festival with my (very kind and supportive) friend and her husband, I saw my big kiddo (he is always a light for me) and I laughed with them. It’s 1am and I’m still not sleeping, but hey one achievement at a time. I’ll take it. :)

It’s funny the things I can’t do anymore. Before this, a glass of wine while making dinner was my daily treat, It has no appeal to me, anymore. Making dinner for my family was one of my greatest pleasures, I loved to cook, to be a carer and provide things my family loved. Now providing dinner is a total chore and my daughter has eaten more door dash in the last few weeks than I care to admit.

I rehab wildlife (mainly baby squirrels) and honestly, those baby animals are keeping me going. Knowing they cannot survive if I don’t make them milk, clean their beds, keep their temperatures perfect, etc, makes me get up every day with some kind of purpose. They’re a blessing that they don’t even realize. My life may be falling apart but there is not a chance on this earth that they won’t have the best start to life possible. (They also hear a lot about how I’m feeling, it’s kind of nice to talk to them because they have no idea what I’m saying to them, or if I’m crying).

Thanks again for the support, you are all awesome

You're not stupid. You did what everyone else here has done and trusted your spouse.