Drowning45 (original poster new member #85811) posted at 7:02 PM on Sunday, August 31st, 2025
I was right not to confide in my best friend. I have just seen a comment from her on a public post regarding a celebrity leaving a marriage because of infedelity, her response was "if he done it once he is guaranteed to do it again, a leopard never changes his spots"
Even though her marriage went through shaky ground when she caught her husband speaking to a female and using the Love word, but this was prior to mobile phones so no evidence existed, they got through it with him denying it wasn't how it looked, yet she makes sweeping statements like this, like she has completely forgotten this could have easily been her.
It has made me realize that my doubts about reconciliation NEVER come from my husband, they come from outside, the public opinion that what I am doing is wrong. I have lived my life always blending in, always doing what others expected, never having a voice of my own so to pick this battle as my first rodeo of doing what I want and not what others expect...bloody hell it is a battle!!!
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:37 AM on Friday, September 5th, 2025
I told very few people. Of the few I did - they were all in with wanting to help, until they found out I was trying to reconcile. Then I was [and still am] shunned. I lost one of my best friends. We lost our best couples friend. I am sad. WH is resentful [yeah - I roll my eyes at that]. I hold my head high and go about the business of being Chaos in spite of that. It hurts. But that is just one more loss that is the collateral damage of someone else's selfish and stupid decision.
The Court of Public Opinion is a bitch. BUT only you can give it power.
People are going to think what they want - even if it not the truth. You have no control over that. All you can control is you and going about the business of living the best life you can possibly live.
There's an old saying attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt- "What other people think of me is none of my business"
As hard as it is - that applies here.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:16 AM on Friday, September 5th, 2025
I had the opposite experience. A number of people told me it was possible to reconcile. That my H was worth trying to work through this with.
There was a joke in my friends group about who had a stash - money wise - just in case. At the time of dday1 I didn’t but 6 months later at dday2 I did.
Regarding the friend’s post, what she writes about celebrities may not be true for non-celebrities. But in any event, she may have posted it w/out realizing its impact on you.
That’s why I just don’t pay attention to other’s opinions.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
