SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A few weeks ago one of our boys moved out of state to attend college. He's had a girlfriend from high school for over 2 years now and she told him yesterday that she's had a crush on a guy at her College for a while now so my son asked my wife if this is cheating

My wife was sexting with a married coworker, on their way to a physical Affair in my opinion though my wife is adamant that never would have happened but we know how that goes. So my wife told him yes it is cheating, she is not respecting your relationship

Later when we talked about it she said she felt like a hypocrite because at one point she convinced herself that what she was doing was just harmless flirting, just fun, no big deal and now her son is crushed pretty much in the same manner that I was

That really hit home hard for her last night. While we were laying in bed talking about this she said she is so grateful that I gave her a second chance and it took me a bit to come up with an answer so I said we had a lot worth saving

Found out today that his girlfriend has physically cheated on him four times. I'm not sure if he relayed that information to my wife, he told it to his cousin, my nephew, who told his dad, my brother, who told me.

[This message edited by WB1340 at 5:05 PM, Thursday, August 28th]

At least karma adjacent...but man, the cost. Sorry that you're son is going through this. I hope you're ok.

Hope your son takes the heartbreak and deals with it and moves on.

At that age life is all about learning and experiencing. Sometimes it can be good to have someone frame in the lesson we just learnt.

If you are up to it then either you or his mom might have a talk with him and ask him to evaluate the pain he’s experiencing and ask him if he would in the future want to be the one to create that pain for someone. Hammer in the importance of integrity, honor and morals. How that as a bf/gf couple she could at any point in time told him she didn’t want to be exclusive, be a couple or something like that, BEFORE deciding to cheat. That would have allowed him his say on what relationship he wanted.

That its also a choice if you commit, to NOT allow yourself the attraction to others. That its near inevitable that you find someone that looks hotter than your partner, earns more, is smarter, has a bigger car or better friends or whatever but it’s still a CHOICE to allow yourself to draw them into your attraction-scope. No matter what that other guy did to pull her in, it was SHE and HER DECISSION that allowed it to work. He should take that on board, and in any future relationship remember that he always has accountability to his partner.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:09 PM, Friday, August 29th]

Found out today that his girlfriend has physically cheated on him four times. I'm not sure if he relayed that information to my wife, he told it to his cousin, my nephew, who told his dad, my brother, who told me.

Ex-girlfriend, Right?

Well, this is what happens when we go down that road. Flirting turns to sexting that turns to sex that turns to a relationship. Or something like that. And we always think we can stop it, and people can't. or don't want to. or think they can hide it and what's the harm. The rationales people come up with to do what they want are endless.
This is why we have a general sense of morality as encoded in law and religion - people KNOW what the right or wrong is - your wife knew by the advice she gave your son that what SHE did was wrong, and she knew it as she was doing it back then but we need something external outside ourselves to give us something definite to refer to and use as barriers.

It's so important to NOT go down that road or to stop it as soon as we feel the pull. Once you start, it's very hard to stop. Hopefully your son drops this GF entirely - no second chance certainly at this point in a relationship - and hope that your wife really took the insight to heart here about what she did and how much grace you showed her in keeping the relationship. It's a shame that this young woman is already cheating at such a young point in her life and in a relationship.

WB, tell your son one of the things he should remember is…if it(she/he)seems too good to be true, then it is not true. People are flawed but to this extent says a lot about his ex? and how she will treat others as she moves through life.
Maya Angelou has that wonderful saying, When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
In your case your wife ran right into pain someone inflicted on a person she loves. A great wake-up to how awful it is to be lied to and cheated on.
Give your boy a hug. He needs one.