AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 6:48 PM on Thursday, September 4th, 2025
Update- my WS and I were doing an in house separation since May. Long story short, I started seeing someone in late July since we were separated and I was lonely. I only went out a few times with him but WS found out. He is now distraught… claims he can’t go through with the divorce. That he thought he would be ok with me seeing other people but actually being faced with it is his huge wake up call and that he will do anything to work things out with me. In short, he’s doing all the things I spent the last year begging him to do. But is it too late? I know only I can answer that but I’m terrified of making the wrong choice.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:55 PM on Thursday, September 4th, 2025
I’m not going to give you "an answer" but I want you to consider some aspects of your situation.
First he’s done very little over the years to make amends or do what you needed. Those are your words and frustrations (and I am certain were clearly articulated to the cheater).
Second, he’s not doing any of "the work" for you, but for him. Because now he’s decided he doesn’t want to be alone.
Third, it’s only his fear of D or being alone that has made him "do something". Consider what will happen when he starts to get comfortable enough that you are not leaving. You may start to see backsliding and/or him then doing very little or the bare minimum.
Only you can decide your next move. But based on experience and human behavior I would have to say that IMO he’s not doing anything for you. He’s doing it for himself.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:32 PM on Thursday, September 4th, 2025
How do you feel about it? Does it feel too little too late? Sometimes it doesn't matter if they want to change now or show you or whatever it is. Sometimes too much damage has been done. My xWS was either harassing me or lovebombing me when we separated. I felt at peace being away from him and that was enough indication for me to keep moving forward without him. When I started dating someone and my xWS found out even though he was also dating someone 
he freaked out said he was going to confront my boyfriend it was at that point that I threatened a restraining order and started the proceedings for a D.
This is YOUR life now YOU get to decide what you want to do next and that is either going to be with him or without him. Is this something you want to try to re-vive again? Don't let him pressure you into anything take your time.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 9:57 PM on Thursday, September 4th, 2025
Divorce him anyway. If he is being genuine, he will make the changes and do the work regardless. Watch his actions over time after the divorce. And if he doesn't, you are better off being divorced when he shows you who he is.
He has had years to fix his shit, yes? And yet, did he?
JMHO
[This message edited by StillLivin at 9:58 PM, Thursday, September 4th]
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
