SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

to BondJaneBond,
It has been over three years since my total DD. I found out most of the truth after over 50 years of marriage. It still hurts; it will always hurt. My husband led a double life for most of our marriage. To others, we would appear the perfect family. I can't talk to him because he can't understand why I am so hurt over something that occurred so many years ago. He remembers details about the other woman and could not remember my favorite perfume two weeks after I told him what it was. He remembers her birthday and her married name; however, he can't remember the one and only time he ever sent me flowers. He said he never should have gotten married as he could never commit to one woman. He told me he was done with running around before we married, but he denies we ever had that conversation. I am stuck because I have nowhere to go. I need him financially and we do enjoy common interests. I have seen how remorseful he is about hurting me, but he can't seem to understand it's not what he said, but what he never said to me. He never once told me that I was the one and only woman he ever loved or wanted to be with. He still says all the other women came on to him and he was not the pursuer. I keep reminding him that it was him who chose to cheat. He never told any other person that he was happily married and loved his wife. He only thought of his own selfish desires at the time. He had unprotected sex with at least three women and gave me HPV back in the 70s which I never realized what caused it until I was over 70. I will never forgive him for that. Sometimes he makes my skin crawl when he touches me. I never cheated; I loved him with all my heart, and I never desired any other man. He always desired other women. Now he says he only wants me. Of course, he does. He is no longer young and virile, so I am all of a sudden enough for him. He will never be enough for me. I told him I don't want my remains anywhere near him when I die or any mention that I was ever married to him. I am so ashamed that I was duped by this prick. I have the IQ of a genius, but I am so stupid to have been blinded by my love for him. He was never deserving of me and our sons. I did my list of pros and cons, and they were about even. He has been a good provider and loving father to our sons. I try to put everything in the back of my mind and live one day at a time. I do have good friends for support, and this website has helped to see that others are sadly going through the same thing.