SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello, and I hope you all are having a lovely summer. I wrote earlier about the terrible time I had at work last year as a teacher. I got pushed out of the job but truthfully I kind of felt ready to leave. I mean, I really really REALLY wanted, needed in fact, that full pension. I still grieve the loss of that every single day. But mentally I felt so drained and spent! I felt like I gave, gave, gave it my all and got no appreciation or respect back.

Anyway, I will admit I am a bit sad and wistful as I see the reports on the news about teachers returning to work at my previous district to start off the new school year, and I hear about back-to-school from former colleague acquaintances I have too. As much as I always dreaded going back to work each year (the entire month of August was always miserable for me because I would spend it dreading the upcoming restart of work), now I feel guilty. If you're filthy not working, and still not having a job lined up. I feel guilty for not being good enough at the job to the point that they had me feel like I was being forced to quit. Guilty because my late parents always raised me not to job hop or to quit a job without another. So I've been grappling with that pretty badly.

I tried applying to a few jobs but so far no call back. A few people suggested age discrimination. Some people here suggested retail, but let me explain something. In my state, the minimum wage is still $7.25 an hour. Retail has always paid not much at all above the minimum wage. That would not be enough to live off of. I would end up spending a lot of money on commute expenses, gas, meals out, just to not make much in my paychecks. I don't know what to do at this point and I just feel like my parents are looking down at me with disappointment.

Has anyone else going through this, especially while also battling unfaithful relationships? I feel like I have no support anywhere. Heck, I don't even have a union anymore! Not that they really did much to defend me, but at least I knew I had a union. Now I feel like I have no one in my corner to help out.

[This message edited by teacherjoggergal at 9:46 PM, Monday, August 25th]

I’ve been following your struggles and feel badly at the ending.

Are you entitled to any portion of the pension or was it all or nothing?

Would you consider tutoring? How about teaching in a different school or virtual environment?

I have gone through similar. I was fired during our limbo year after discovering the A due to performance and a management change. They weren’t wrong on the performance- I was a mess for a long time. But office politics got into it, the boss who was giving me grace was let go and they got rid of me. Layoff of one… me. I got a little severance and then my house burned down, so it was a really crappy year.

I knew I didn’t want to go back to the job I was doing, but I decided to take another job in that field that was a little lower stress (and paid less) and got my masters degree while working there. This gave me the skills and accomplishments to get me into a different but related field that I enjoy a lot more.

If you can’t afford to retire, then you have to work. You have had the summer to relax and decompress from all that stress. Now you need to make a plan. Whether you can just step in to the role (tutoring, subbing, working at a different school type like charter or alternative) or adjacent like training teachers, teaching online courses, course development OR retrain for something different altogether, you need to make a plan. I needed to retrain while working, so I took I job I didn’t love for a couple years while I retrained. 🤷‍♀️ Bills had to be paid, ya know?

You didn’t like your job. So this is opportunity to do something else. It sucks that you lost your pension (and I really hope you talked to lawyer to make sure you got everything you are entitled to) but it is the kick in the pants we sometimes need to make difficult but necessary changes.

Good luck, TJgal.

Teacher

Frankly – I’m glad for you to be out of that specific workplace, if not that job or career. It felt like you were being bullied – both possibly by (some of) the kids as well as management. I get it you loved the job and want financial security, but I really doubt that without major change you had any break there.

However...
Not being a classroom teacher doesn’t automatically make you a candidate for a greeter at some supermarket...
You can tutor.
Substitute teacher.
Work at a daycare.
With your experience in organizing (teachers are organized) then office manager, even billing and bookkeeping (a lot these days is data entry into systems).
With your experience in talking to people and carrying your voice: A guide at a local park, museum, exhibition or whatsoever.

The main thing it to not see your talent (and you HAVE talent) and education as a single-step solution: No classroom teacher, therefore no value. Instead think of your education and your experience and think what careers are open that can benefit from your experience.

If you can teacherjoggergal then look at this as an opportunity. A chance for a career change.

Have you looked into online teaching or tutoring gigs? Also, you might be a better fit for older students, maybe college-age. There are also companies that will train you to teach English to students in other countries.
I'm glad you are no longer at that job, it made you miserable. I know the loss of the pension seems like a huge deal right now, but maybe you don't give yourself enough credit. Who's to say you won't find an even better compensation package?

Hello, thank you for your kind words and taking the time to respond. In answer to your questions:

I can get a partial pension eventually, but not for another nearly two years. I am under the minimum age to receive retirement pension. It will be a significantly different amount because I only made it past 25 years, not 35, due to getting pushed out 2 years before I made it to the end of year 35.

Thanks for the tutoring and subbing job ideas, but no thanks to everyone working in a school ever again. If my struggle point was classroom management as a full-time teacher, why would I want to return to that same environment and do even more classroom management struggles as a sub (who no one ever takes seriously in my city district) for what's literally minimum wage through an outside temp agency with no health benefits. Online teaching...yeah, I struggle with the technology. That's what made virtual teaching during the pandemic so much more challenging for me than I thought it was going to be, and it showed in some of the evaluations at my previous school.

No, I did not live my job. At all. The main reason I got into education was because I needed to change my major away from nursing, asap, and teaching was one of the very few majors that would allow me to still use some of my already earned nursing course credits and not have to delay college graduation. I never even really liked science. I only took science courses for the nursing major that every woman in my family urged me for years before college to pursue. I was stuck having to major in education for biology or chemistry because those were the courses I had compatible coursework already completed from my first two years in the nursing program. Also, I feel cheated because my only experience with teachers were the nuns at my K-12 Catholic school...much different environment than modern-day inner city public high schools.

I'm just curious Teacher. You've made it clear you don't want to have anything to do with teaching, which is understandable. How much thought have you given to what kind of job you would like to do? Have you done any job searches?

You keep bringing up minimum wage being $7.25 per hour, but that is just a number on paper. Businesses have to pay a competitive wage to attract employees. I live in a small midwest community (pop. 3,400) and even here the starting wage at McDonalds is $18 per hour, even thought my state's minimum wage is now $15 per hour. Out of curiosity I looked up retail jobs in a neighboring state that has a $7.25 minimum wage, and I couldn't find a single job that paid less that $16.50.

Most of us on this site have had our lives blown up, financially and physically, as a result of infidelity. We went from homes where the financial burden was shared to being on our own often with children to feed, being forced to find employment while we were shocked, depressed and exhausted. In that situation you don't have the luxury of waiting for your dream job. Your kids have to eat. It was hard, but we did what we had to do.

You've had a difficult time, but you are fortunate that, you have no children, if memory serves me you inherited your house from your parents, and you have nothing but time to job hunt. You can start with something you aren't wild about and earn an income while waiting for something better to come along. You have a great stable resume, and most people I know love and respect teachers. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by your hire-ability. But you have to try first.

[This message edited by Charity411 at 2:52 PM, Saturday, August 30th]

Do you have a "can do" mindset right now?

If not, you need to find your "positive mental attitude" to redo your resume and start applying for jobs.

You can PM me if you need some help with your resume. It’s part of my career expertise.

Some states/school districts allow you to add your age to your work years to get to receive your pension. Make sure your Teachers Association is telling you everything. You can also "buy" years-$15,000 a year in Texas, and your retirement will start right away.

Hobby Lobby starts part timers at 15.00 hr, full timers 19.75/hr. The frame shop in every store is always looking for someone to train who wants to learn. Fabric is a good dept, too. And closed on Sundays.

Do you have a "can do" mindset right now?

If not, you need to find your "positive mental attitude" to redo your resume and start applying for jobs.

No, I do not have a "can do" mindset at the moment, honestly. That last job really did a number on me and my already very low self esteem, in addition to what others claim is abuse from all the other years of being mistreated and overworked at my other teaching jobs. I never want to ever see another classroom or student ever again for the rest of my remaining life.

People say I need to toughen up because they were ambushed mentally by an affair but still had to find a job. Well, I'm going through that now. Except in my case, I've had to deal with major betrayal from a job that feels similar to infidelity AND still deal with actual infidelity. The house I "inherited" is a joke. I only inherited half, despite doing all the actual work of free caretaker to my late parents, which meant I had to take out a sizeable loan to pay back my brother his 50% just to be able to stay here and still have a place to live. Of course he had a friend do the appraisal and now, just now, all these years later, people are finally starting to tell me I was majorly ripped off and charged a way higher appraisal than it should have been. So yes, I still have a mortgage like everyone else who did not inherit their homes. At least most normal people get to split costs with a partner, and have tax advantages from being married. I have had to take on all the costs of the mortgage + property upkeep all by myself, with no joint responsibility or married filing jointly tax advantages. The house feels like it's crumbling yet my brother and relatives expect me to keep the house just to keep the very house our late father had picked to have built (he was the original owner, and the only owner, along with our late mother, before me). I'm the bad guy if I "lose" or "get rid" of the family patriarch house. So I'm stuck here and it's not as cheap as you'd think it should be for having inherited part of it.

Kids...trust me, not having kids has probably been more of a burden than having had them. Emotionally it's been yet another betrayal knowing I missed out on having kids, something I'd always wanted. It adds yet another layer or two or more to the misery of infidelity , knowing that while I was still able to possibly have a kid, R was out giving motorcycle rides to other women and having secret affairs. He kept stringing me along with marriage, and I was always firmly raised that I get married first before trying to have kids, but he wouldn't ever want to discuss marriage with me either. Besides, if I'd had kids at a normal age, they would be grown by now so less expensive. So the no-kid thing is not in fact easier for me at all.

I know I sound miserable and stuck but I am in a really, really bad place right now.

You had a lot to deal with, it’s true. But we have no choice but to deal with it. And all of us are paying rent or a mortgage without a partner, so we understand the financials. And yeah, I got fired too, so I get that part. And you need to grieve it all AND YOU NEED to pull yourself up and move forward. Even small steps. The bills don’t stop, the house doesn’t repair itself…. So what will your next step be? You know your next job does not have to be what you do for the rest of your life. It can be a stepping stone to build skills, add new things to your resume, expand your professional network, etc. And pay a few bills or build up your savings a bit. Do that until you decide what your next step will be.

What if you work at a hardware store where you get an employee discount and can talk to handy people who can give you tips on how to do home repairs (also YouTube is a great resource!). What about getting back into nursing in some capacity and then going back to school for nursing? There is a shortage and a great need. A friend of mine got her nursing degree in her 50s and is loving it. Or work in a lab since you have a science background?

Just take one step.You can always change path later.

Nothing changes unless you change them, right?